Nokia 5320 Xpressmusic: Do the BULLSHIT!

 One of the most awful experiences I had to deal with the cell phone business. The first thought that came to my mind was “What the $&*# went into the heads of people at the Nokia’s design department!” This phone wasn’t purchased by choice, it was all accidental. I had to change my beloved E65 because of the broken cradle and I decided to go for an exchange. This was the painful choice I had to deal with as the dealer wasn’t offering much and I had to make “a deal”. So that’s the item-by-item anecdote attached with this phone. 

In keeping with its tag, 5320 Xpressmusic sports a 3mm audio jack and dedicated media controls on the side, and I don’t find the need of them at all! A customisable key on the top launches the music player by default, while pressing and holding the said key enables the ‘Say and Play’ feature. This can play a desired track by saying the name of the track or artist aloud – generally a hit and miss, if you ask us, and mostly miss than a hit. 

5320 XpressMusic is powered by Symbian OS v9.3 with Feature Pack 2 (FP2 meaning lots of cool new animations added to the User Interface). It is not meant to be a high end mobile but I was never expecting such an abysmal flavour too. If not anything, then it’s surely a case of Nokia trying to get mid-range users hooked on mobile music. So you shouldn’t expect anything groundbreaking, I just don’t remember what I was thinking before buying it. 

Music quality is quite good, even with a mono speaker, but then it has to stand for its tagline Xpress”MUSIC” so I don’t count that. Has the FM Radio and quite a responsive interface when it comes to “just” Music. Otherwise, you can sleep on this gadget. The button pad is flat apart from the raised D-Pad. Its buttons are irregularly shaped with the Nokia Menu key, 2, 4, 6, 7, 9 and 0 buttons having rounded edges and the remainder simply fitting into the space they leave behind. I understand that the R&D people tried to experiment with the keypad’s design and looks but I’m sure somebody forgot to call them back while they went tooooo far in killing it! I could hardly text on such a quirky ensemble of plastic beads! Oh God! Painful experience! 

It also comes with a sub standard 2MP camera with a dual LED Flash. The camera interface is good but it doesn’t feature many customizable options. It doesn’t even have autofocus! But it was a very easy-to-use in application. Even my 4 year old nephew came out with some decent shots with its cam all by himself.

Final Words:

Sturdy phone with small screen, no Wi-Fi, poorest battery life and a crappy kepypad. BAD BUY!

Financials: This piece of $hi* cost me Rs. 12, 300 (March, 09) and was resold on the same price after three days of its purchase. 

Nokia E65: Slide Me!

In my opinion, Nokia’s best “affordable” slide phone so far! I purchased this phone like half a year back and had to change it involuntarily because I broke the sim cradle. I dropped this phone down a whole floor in my office lift. (I know some of you might be wondering if that is even possible, but yes, ironically it did!) I had the driest throat during all the time if took the lift technicians to bring it up from the elevator motor’s pit. I could see them struggling through the tiny cleft between the lift’s and ground’s floor. But the phone survived, you know the rough ‘n tough Nokia, I love them because of that too. So that’s how I audaciously justify my membership in Facebook’s group “I drop my cell phone more than the Iraqi bombs!” 

Nokia.com states: "Style meets substance in the Nokia E65. Its slim, slide design is complimented by a rich range of features made for business and fun"

 

Anyways, coming back to the phone, prominent features included Built-in WiFi transceiver, GPS enabled, although it hardly works as I tried to couple it using Bluetooth with the Garmin GPS while in Germany, but somehow the interface always refused to connect. A bit slow on the interfacing level but over all very good in handling and looks. This phone was my first experience with a 2.2-inch TFT screen that displays 16.7 million colours at a 320×240 pixel resolution, and I loved it! It runs on the third edition of the S60 platform and thus provides a wide variety of S60 applications. It incorporates an application called QuickOffice that lets you view Word, Excel, and Powerpoint documents on this handset itself. The only short coming that I always felt while using this phone was the absence of FM Radio receiver. I always missed it and wondered why Nokia never thought about it. The new revived version E66 has this short coming covered. On the whole, this phone proved to be a good communication companion, as I travelled four countries with it and I’ll always be fond of it J

Financials: this phone was purchased on bill of Rs. 16,300 (July, 08) and I sold it for Rs. 9,500 (March, 09). I got a good deal even after breaking the cradle, thus proving that this phone earned its market.

25 Things You Should Know about Nokia

1. The ringtone “Nokia tune” is actually based on a 19th century guitar work named “Gran Vals” by Spanish musician Francisco Tárrega.
2. The Nokia Tune (ringtone) was originally named “Grande Valse” on Nokia phones but was changed to “Nokia Tune” around 1998 when it became so well known that people referred to it as the “Nokia Tune.”
3. The world’s first commercial GSM call was made in 1991 in Helsinki over a Nokia-supplied network, by Prime Minister of Finland Harri Holkeri, using a Nokia phone.
4. In 2006 Nokia was the world’s largest digital camera manufacturer, as the sales of its camera-equipped mobile phones exceeded those of any conventional camera manufacturer.
5. The “Special” tone available to users of Nokia phones when receiving SMS (text messages) is actually Morse code for “SMS”.
6. The “Ascending” Nokia SMS tone is Morse code for “Connecting People,” Nokia’s slogan.
7. The “Standard” Nokia SMS tone is Morse code for “M” (Message).
8. The Nokia mobile phone User’s Guides mostly use the Agfa Rotis Sans font.
9. In Asia, the digit 4 never appears in any Nokia handset model number, because 4 is considered unlucky in many parts of Southeast/East Asia.
10. Nokia was listed as the 20th most admirable company worldwide in Fortune’s list of 2006 (1st in network communications, 4th non-US company).
11. Unlike other modern day handsets, Nokia phones do not automatically start the call timer when the call is connected, but start it when the call is initiated. (Except for Series 60 based handsets like the Nokia 6600).
12. The name of the town of Nokia originated from the river which flowed through Finnish town.
13. Nokia’s first iconic product, the Nokia 2100 series that was introduced in 1994, sold nearly 20 million units in its time.
14. The world’s best-selling phone, the Nokia 3310 / 3330 sold 126 million units from its launch in 2000 until its “retirement” earlier in 2005.
15. The combined total of all Nokia phones sold between 1991 and 1998 is 100 million.
16. Nokia sold their one billionth mobile phone – a Nokia 1100 sold in Nigeria. Reported on 21-09-05.
17. If all the Nokia 3310/3330 phones sold were laid end-to-end, the line would stretch from Helsinki, Finland to Santiago, Chile – over 13,500 kilometers.
18. In 1991 Nokia sold 800,000 phones. In 2004, it manufactured 207.7 million phones, which equals 6.5 phones per second.
19. Nokia consumes 100 billion components on annual level. On average, one phone includes up to 400 components.
20. The first Nokia mobile phone ever made is the Mobira Senator released in 1982.
21. Besides Mobile phones, Nokia also manufactures Digital Televisions, ADSL Modems, Wireless LAN interfaces, Telephone switches, GPS devices, Terrestrial trunked radios, and Security Solutions.
22. By the first quarter of next year 4 billion people will be using a mobile phone. One billion of these will be Nokia phones
23. Nokia has the largest consumer base for any consumable product in the World
24. The top selling game for Nokia N-Gage is Creatures of the Deep – a fishing
25. The 2009 Mobile World Congress Nokia received two awards, an award for Best Mobile Internet Service thanks to Nokia Sports Tracker and Outstanding Environmental Contribution award (with a charger that features alerts that inform users to unplug their chargers after the battery of a device is full).

A World without Engineers

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, on the planet Nidirax, there dwelled an evil king, King Nardil, who was mighty pleased with himself, for he had just banished all the engineers on the planet to work in the Potty Seats Molding mines on the moons of Gluteus.

“You see,” he told his sycophantic servants and lackeys, “I have solved two problems with one simple executive order. I have rid the planet of those shit-annoying, nerdy, know-it-all, engineers. Hail Me!”

(King Nardil was actually quite envious of them, because he went to a Junior University in Ulti Alto, and didn’t know very much at all.)

“And secondly,” he explained, “I have provided cheap slave labor for the Potty Seats Molding mines, thus ensuring a limitless supply of those heavenly tooshie cushions for all to enjoy.”

All of King Nardil’s staff applauded loudly, because he tended to behead those who didn’t. “Bring us intoxicating chemicals, so that we may toast, Hail Me!” cheered the king.

“I’m sorry, your Highness King Nardil,” replied the servant. “You banished all the chemical engineers to the potty mines, so we cannot make the intoxicating chemicals anymore.”

King Nardil was quite raged. Nobody talked back to him and go away with it. “Bring me my AN-94 (Atomic Number) Phasor gun, so that I may vaporize this impudent guy,” shouted the raged king.

“I’m sorry, my good King Nardil,” replied another servant. “Since you deported all the nuclear engineers to the potty mines, we have been unable to operate the plutonium powered phasor gun.”

Now the king was really really angry. “I’m really mad!” said the king. “Bring me my Hummer H9.9, so that I may repeatedly run over these contumelious servants of mine.”

“Your Majesty, with all respect that too cannot be done,” said the third servant, whose part will be played in the movie version by Wentworth Miller, from the Prison Break fame. “All the mechanical engineers are in the mine place, and everyone knows, you can’t drive cars without mechanics.”

 “Go! jump off a bridge you scums!” yelled King Nardil. To this, another of his servants interrupted, “We have no more bridges, since all the civil engineers have been exiled to the potty mines.  Perhaps we should bring them all back.”

But the King was not the brightest of kings, so he didn’t agree to that just yet. “Bring me my EPPE (electric pulsating pleasure equipment), so that I may relax and think about this dilemma of ours,” ordered the king.

“We are unable to do that, my King Nardil, because all the electrical engineers who design the Eppes are in the potty mines.”

“Hmmm,” thought the king. “Perhaps I was wrong in banishing the engineers from my planet.  Without them, we have no intoxicating chemicals, no plutonium powered phasor guns, no automobiles, no bridges, and no pulsating pleasure devices. I will have to call them back from the potty mines of Gluteus.”

But it was too late, because the engineers so enjoyed having free time that every last one refused to return, as their uncompromising ego got hurt due to banishment. They enjoyed their time in investing their minds in newer and fancier technologies and the whiffy clan savoured the luxurious technologies that King Nardil couldn’t even fantasize in his wildest dreams!

Soon the moons of Gluteus become the talk of the galaxy as the most techno-advanced heavenly bodies anyone had ever known and everyone started applying for immigration there. Needless to say,  most of the applicants were from the planet Nidirax! 🙂

              So the moral of the story, Earthlings of the useless planet, is that engineers are a very important part of your everyday lives, and engineers although stinky and dirty like rotten fish, you should not banish them to slave potty camps.  🙂